If you’re jealous, you might be trying not to be and attempt to hide your emotions so they pile up inside you. Pretty soon, something happens and all of those jealous feelings you have tried to push down or even deny come bursting out.
You have a jealous meltdown that later embarrasses you and you push your partner further away from you. You might yell or throw allegations at your partner. You may confront another person who seems to you to threaten your relationship.
You might simply stand up abruptly and storm out of the room with a slam of the door and nothing at all said to explain your behavior.
However your jealous meltdown happens, the effects are probably similar. It is likely that your partner feels confused, frustrated and even angry.
You might feel justified in your meltdown but could be embarrassed by your reaction, or a mixture of both of these.
If moving closer to the one you love is something you want, you can reconnect with your partner and stop your jealous habit..
Here are 4 ways to do that after a jealous meltdown…
- Regroup and reconnect with yourself first
If you’ve have a jealous meltdown, you’ll need some time alone with yourself to calm down. You won’t be able to say what you want if your emotions are high and interfering with what’s inside you at your core.
Before you try to talk with your partner about your jealous meltdown, get clear within yourself about why the meltdown happened in the first place and what you want to do differently in the future.
Very probably you were agitated by fears of what may or may not happen in the future or what happened in the past.
Don’t get sidetracked by guessing what your partner or anyone else was thinking or wanting. Make observations about your thoughts and actions and try to steer clear of assumptions.
The important thing is to calm down so you aren’t ruled by your emotions.
- Take ownership for your jealous meltdown but forgive yourself
Even after taking some time to reflect, you might still feel your behavior was justified. It may very well be that your partner was overtly flirting or acting inappropriately according to your agreements with him or her.
Whether that is true or not, taking ownership for a jealous meltdown that could have been hurtful to others (and possibly embarrassing for you) is a step toward a healthy relationship.
But you can’t easily move toward reconnecting with your partner if you are beating yourself up for your behavior.
Practice loving and forgiving yourself by knowing that you are human and that this jealous meltdown can be a wake-up call for you to begin to be open to healing jealousy in your life.
- Make an apology if you acted in ways you wish you hadn’t
Nobody likes to be yelled at or accused and a strong reaction like a jealous meltdown certainly doesn’t motivate another person to change his or her ways or connect with you.
An apology is a good start to opening the door to reconnection.
When you offer your partner (or another person involved) an apology, do so from the heart and with sincerity.
Take responsibility for your actions and don’t make excuses. Simply tell the other person how you’d like to be in the situation in the future.
- Make a request from clarity and your heart
You can make requests that could help you stop your jealous habit and other disconnecting dynamics that might be going on in your relationship.
But you’ll want to make them from a place of clarity inside you.
A request like this won’t help you reconnect…
“Will you stop looking at any beautiful woman who comes in the room?”
But if you ask what really might help you in these types of situations that’s about you, you just may get some cooperation.
A request something like this might…
“Would you be willing to come over to me occasionally during the party and talk with me so I can feel a connection with you?”
The truth is that you don’t have to fall into a jealous meltdown. You can learn to listen to the truth inside you instead of to your fears of the past and future. You can learn to speak from truth and not assumptions.
You can connect or reconnect with your partner with love and still be true to yourself.