There’s one thing we want you to realize about your jealousy and we ask you to really let this soak in:
You are NOT your jealousy.
Jealousy is a mix of uncomfortable and painful thoughts and emotions. It can feel like a character flaw or a shameful aspect of who you are…but it’s not. It’s not you. YOU are more than your jealousy.
The more you believe that you are more than your jealousy– and open up to genuinely believing it– the easier it is to take back control so that you can stop letting it ruin your peace of mind and your relationship too.
How would it be to remember your own value, worth and power to make conscious choices no matter what’s going on? Regardless of what your partner (or anyone else) says or does and beyond whatever happened in your past, you CAN decide how you will respond and you can CAN prevent jealousy from taking over.
Now, we aren’t promising that this will be easy, comfortable or even instantaneous.
Jealousy is a habit…maybe even a nasty one that’s been around for as long as you can remember. Like all habits, it’s something you can change. Significant and transformative change happens when you act from the knowledge that you are NOT your jealousy. Change also happens when you make different decisions in those difficult moments when you get triggered and feel worried, suspicious or insecure.
These different decisions can stop jealousy in its tracks and allow you to shift in a new direction– one that is calmer, clearer and that will put you on a path to connection and happiness with your partner.
Try these 7 methods of dealing with jealousy:
1. Drink a glass of water.
This is such an everyday action, you might be surprised to find it on this list. The subtle jealousy-stopping power of drinking a glass of water comes when you only do that. When you feel so jealous you can’t think or see straight, go to your kitchen sink. Take out a glass, fill it with water and focus your attention on drinking water. Nothing else. Keep pulling yourself back to the sensation of the glass in your hand and the water pouring from the glass and into your body.
2. Take a nap.
There is a fine line between avoiding a problem and interrupting an unhealthy habit. We aren’t suggesting that you pretend that you aren’t suspicious of your partner or that you aren’t worried about the future of your relationship. Just know that when you are sufficiently rested (and nourished and hydrated), you’re going to see a troubling situation clearer and you’re more likely to respond instead of react.
3. Do the opposite.
Make an effort to NOT do what you normally do when you get jealous. Know what your patterns are and how your jealousy usually comes out and then consciously do the exact opposite– as long as that doesn’t involve you hurting yourself or another person. It might feel strange, but try it. See what happens.
4. Blow out “birthday candles.”
Your breath can be your biggest ally when you feel stressed out, anxious and upset. Most of us restrict or hold our breath when triggered. To intentionally breathe can provide a release. When you realize you are jealous, inhale deeply (and from your abdomen) and then exhale strongly as if you were blowing out birthday candles.
5. Say “I love you.”
As you know too well, jealousy causes you to question yourself and your worth. Don’t stand for that! Even if you don’t fully believe it in the moment, say to yourself, “I love you.” When your thoughts are coming from fears, anxiety or anger, keep repeating to yourself, “I love you, I love you, I love you” until those thoughts subside and you are calmer.
6. Break into song.
Again, it’s the interruption that can help break the hold that jealousy seems to have on you. When you can tell that jealousy is building up in a big way, no matter how silly you feel, start singing a song. Sing something upbeat and catchy like the popular 1980s song, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”
Once you take back your power and are seeing clearly (and not through the skewed filter of jealousy), you can get to the facts of the situation and decide what your next best move is.