“Help! My Spouse is Jealous and Resentful of My Success!”

We’ve probably all been jealous– or have been around someone else who is jealous– from time to time. The jealous person sees in the other person something that he or she feels is lacking.

It could be appearance, financial abundance, love, fame, or another attribute that seems to trigger the jealousy.

Jealousy is painful for the person who is feeling it. When it is directed at an acquaintance or a stranger it is certainly difficult. But when jealousy rears its head in a love relationship or marriage, it can surely drive a wedge between the two people.

Sometimes one partner feels jealous because his or her mate is a flirt or is perceived as very attractive and receives a lot of attention from others. This type of jealousy usually involves feelings of mistrust and fears that infidelity will occur.

When your spouse is jealous…

But a spouse can also become jealous and resentful because it seems that his or her partner has achieved a level of success that, for one reason or another, the jealous mate has not reached.

Jody cannot understand why her husband Paul is not proud of her. After several long years, she’s her first novel is finally finished and on the market. And, the best news of all, she’s got a publisher and the book is selling well all over the country!

It has been Jody’s dream to be an successful writer and now she is actually doing it.

As Jody and her novel get more and more positive press and the money begins to come in from book sales, Paul seems to be getting more and more brooding and difficult to be around.

It’s as if he’s jealous of her success. Paul’s apparent jealousy is upsetting and disappointing to Jody. This is a time when she wants to celebrate these wonderful changes with Paul, not feel disconnected from him.

Stay Aware and Open
When you notice that your spouse is possibly jealous or resentful of successes you might have in your personal or professional life, pay attention.

We don’t advise you to ignore the distance that is forming between the two of you or to hope that your partner will just “get over it.”

Be willing to have uncomfortable conversations with your mate and be willing to stay open and listen to how he or she is feeling. This great thing that is happening in your life might be impacting your
partner in ways you are unaware of.

This isn’t a time to discount your partner’s feelings. Listen and try to understand how he or she might be feeling.

You can also share with your mate how disappointed you feel about the distance between the two of you and how you’d like to come together to celebrate these achievements.

Both of you have valid feelings. Create space within your heart to acknowledge the different ways you might each be experiencing the same events or changes.

Continue to Follow Your Dreams
Jody decides that there has been enough tension in her marriage. She asks Paul to talk with her. Jody doesn’t blame Paul for the disconnection in their marriage and she doesn’t criticize him for being jealous.

She does tell him that she feels like there is distance between them and that she’d like to find a way that they can move closer together again.

Jody tells Paul that she believes the changes in their lives because of her novel are a source of their troubles. She asks Paul to be honest with her about how he’s feeling and why this might be.

As they talk, Jody knows that Paul’s jealousy will not go away if she stops writing novels– and then she would be miserable and resentful too!

She is aware that this is something he primarily needs to resolve within himself. She knows she cannot “fix” it for him.

At the same, Jody can try to understand where Paul is coming from and listen to requests he might have. Jody can support Paul as he addresses his jealousy. And if and when he decides to follow dreams of his own, she can be present and engaged encouraging him along the way.

The bottom line here is to listen and stay open when your spouse is jealous.

Whenever there is distance in your marriage, be available and remain open to what your partner is feeling and perceiving and also to what you are feeling and perceiving.

When jealousy and resentment are involved, be a supporter. Yes, you most likely play a role in these emotions your partner is feeling.

But you cannot erase them or solve these challenges for him or her.

Keep nurturing yourself and continue to talk with your partner about ways you each can feel fulfilled with your lives individually and as a couple.

What’s the Hidden Reason Why You Get So Jealous? 

masqureadeThere’s no question that you’re jealous. You can’t mistake the anxiety, nervousness, worries and doubts that you’re all too familiar with– they are jealousy rearing up and robbing you of peace and happiness.

What’s less clear is the reason why.

You may think you are feeling jealous because…

Your boyfriend hasn’t returned your text from this morning. Or your wife is having lunch with a co-worker who also happens to be a weight lifter. Or a completely different reason.

But, what if there’s more to it than that?

[Read more…]

6 Surprising Ways to Stop Jealousy

birthdaycandlesThere’s one thing we want you to realize about your jealousy and we ask you to really let this soak  in:

You are NOT your jealousy. 

Jealousy is a mix of uncomfortable and painful thoughts and emotions. It can feel like a character flaw or a shameful aspect of who you are…but it’s not. It’s not you. YOU are more than your jealousy.

The more you believe that you are more than your jealousy– and open up to genuinely believing it– the easier it is to take back control so that you can stop letting it ruin your peace of mind and your relationship too.

How would it be to remember your own value, worth and power to make conscious choices no matter what’s going on? Regardless of what your partner (or anyone else) says or does and beyond whatever happened in your past, you CAN decide how you will respond and you can CAN prevent jealousy from taking over.

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Your Jealousy Can Be Vanquished!

dragonWe recently received this email from a person who has been using our No More Jealousy program to help with jealousy and anger and he gave permission for us to share it with you…

May I say that you have saved my relationship. I used to make false accusations, be jealous and get angry, though I would not know why, but listening to everything you two have said in your audio courses, I finally understand jealousy and why I am reacting like this. I have not finished reading the book or the audio courses, but my relationship is already improving.

Thank you so much. I am so grateful to you two, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t know how to control my emotions. And our relationship would’ve definitely ended, which would be terrible since we love each other so much.

I didn’t even know jealousy could be controlled. I thought it would always be inside of me…
Thanks again, you’re the best!”

While we’re glad that this man has found the strategies, techniques and lessons included in our No More Jealousy program to be essential to him overcoming jealousy, we’re excited for another reason…

We’re absolutely thrilled to hear from someone who found the courage to face down the out of control emotions and unhealthy communication habits that were putting his relationship in danger. We applaud this person for reaching inside himself and finding the strength and persistence to do what was uncomfortable and maybe even felt impossible at times…

He looked his jealousy square in the face and he vanquished it. And so can you.

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Ready for a Confidence Boost?

mirrorIt is nearly impossible for jealousy to persist when you feel confident and sure of yourself.

When you really know your worth, you don’t walk around in constant fear that your partner will leave you for someone else. When your self-esteem is healthy, you don’t waste time and energy comparing yourself to others.When you feel confident in who you are, you can focus on what’s really important to you: Your interests, passions and goals for the future. You’re more present in your relationship and that promotes connection and closeness too.

Unfortunately, the worries, fears and anxiety that jealousy brings with it, not only feed on low self-esteem, they add to it exponentially!

Here are 3 steps toward boosting your confidence when jealousy brings you down…

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Do Your Thing and Say Goodbye to Jealousy

wavingHow much time and energy do you spend trying to please your partner? How much have you lost trying to be as smart/sexy/interesting/successful/funny/charming as you believe your partner wants you to be?

These are painful questions because, all too often, you put in a whole lot of effort (and maybe a whole lot of expense too) to be the one who can keep your beloved satisfied so that he or she will stay in your life.

The cost is that you lose yourself.

You think you have to be something more than what you are– or else your partner will leave you for someone else or simply just leave. And because of that belief, you force yourself to change. You dress differently than you ever would. You start to talk or act in ways that really aren’t true to you.

You stop being the person you are at your core who is a unique, amazing AND valuable human being.

Perhaps worst of all….

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Women Want To Know… What To Do When Suspicions Explode!

geyser“I need advice. I’m jealous of my husband’s ‘friendship.’ I start fights with outbursts whenever I see something I don’t like or that brings my suspicions. I simply explode. It’s been like this for 3 months already and I’m exhausted from it, yet I fail to stay calm for more than a few days. It’s destructive to me and I realize it. I don’t want live like this. How do I stay calm and focus on making it work rather than on destroying it?”

Jealousy can get so intense it takes over and rages out of control, just as this woman who posted to our Relationship Gold website describes. It builds up inside of you and, finally, explodes– a lot like a geyser which can’t hold back the pressurized, geothermically heated water any longer.

Only your eruptions aren’t water and steam, are they? What erupts from you are accusations, sarcasm, nagging and ultimatums.

The damage to both you and your relationship are immediate and difficult to repair. Especially when jealous meltdowns occur again and again, it’s nearly impossible for your relationship to survive.

Because you know how destructive jealousy is, you’ve probably tried anything and everything to calm yourself down and make your relationship better. But suspicion, doubt and fear won’t instantly go away. They build up inside of you and, at some point which is usually inconvenient and embarrassing, those accusations come out in full force.

What’s the best way to soothe jealousy and ease the pressure in you and your relationship?

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The Year-End Review: Technique to Help You Leave Jealousy Behind

calendarWouldn’t it be amazing to wake up on January 1, 2014 (or maybe even tomorrow) and to no longer feel jealous?

How would it be to make it through an evening out with your partner and never feel the twinge of fear that he’s scoping the place for someone more attractive than you?

she’s lying to you and possibly cheating too?

Does this sounds like a crazy fantasy or the plot of an outrageous film?

Well, listen up because it’s not as outlandish or impossible as it may seem. You are closer to overcoming the worries, fears, suspicions, mistrust and misery than you think.

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Find Your Roar to Overcome Jealousy

  • Worries that won’t stop.
  • Questions that never end and are never satisfied.
  • Anxiety that you’re being deceived or will be left.
  • Frustration that you can’t trust anyone.
  • Certainty that you’ll be let down and disappointed, again.
  • Mistrust in your own judgment and perspective.

This (and more) is what jealousy does to you.

It takes away your peace of mind and attacks in stressful situations and even when you’re having a close and  loving moment with your partner. Jealousy appears to be way beyond your control and leaves you feeling helpless and weak.

None of this is good for your relationship or for your own well-being and, thankfully, there’s something can do about it.

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Looking for Happiness? Widen Your View Beyond Jealousy

joyHas jealousy been blocking your joy and making your life seem nothing else but miserable?

If so, this beautiful Marianne Williamson quote may bring a scowl instead of a smile to your face. Worse yet, you might feel guilty or weak for letting jealousy take over and ruin the good things that were trying to develop in your relationship (or a potential relationship) but no longer appear to be there.

We’re here to remind you that loving, good and joyful experiences ARE possible for you– and not just in the distant future either!


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