How would it be to make it through an evening out with your partner and never feel the twinge of fear that he’s scoping the place for someone more attractive than you?
she’s lying to you and possibly cheating too?
Does this sounds like a crazy fantasy or the plot of an outrageous film?
Well, listen up because it’s not as outlandish or impossible as it may seem. You are closer to overcoming the worries, fears, suspicions, mistrust and misery than you think.
The very best way to leave jealousy behind– for good– is to understand it.
Without understanding, your efforts to stop jealousy will only be temporary, if they work at all. It’s kind of like trying to fix a dripping faucet by tightening the handle when underneath the sink is where the real cause of the problem is.
You won’t put an end to your jealousy until you take a deep and honest look.
We’ve got a powerful technique that lets you do just that and this is a perfect time of year for you to try it out.
The Year-End Review:
Take out 2-3 pieces of paper and list off the months of the year, January through December. Leave several lines in between each. Now, think back to each month of the past year as best as you can. Can you remember any specific times when you felt jealous during a particular month?
It’s okay if you are fuzzy about what happened during which month. The point here is to recall memorable events that triggered your jealousy and that stick out in your mind. Write them down under the month in which you believe they occurred.
Next, think about what you did in reaction to that jealousy-triggering situation or event. Write that down too under the month you remember it happening. Next to your reaction, write down whether or not what you did (or said) helped the situation or made things more difficult or painful.
Did your jealousy seem to ease or grow more intense after the reaction you had?
This project may take some time so give yourself at least an hour or two to do it and it’s okay to split doing this review up into shorter segments of time. The main objective is to create an accurate record of major jealousy-inducing events and situations from the past year and your reaction to them.
Once you’ve written down what you remember, set it aside for a day or two. When you feel relatively relaxed and clear, read through your Year-End Review. As much as you can, read it as if you were an outside observer.
What patterns do you see? What themes re-occur? What would you do differently if the same situations arose again? What would you do similarly because what you did seemed to help calm you down and resolve the conflict?
Use this new understanding of your own tendencies to come up with some doable and specific changes you’re going to experiment with and develop into new habits. Your jealousy may not vanish at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, but with persistence you’ll experience improvements that before seemed impossible.
That’s pretty incredible!