“Help! My Spouse is Jealous and Resentful of My Success!”

We’ve probably all been jealous– or have been around someone else who is jealous– from time to time. The jealous person sees in the other person something that he or she feels is lacking.

It could be appearance, financial abundance, love, fame, or another attribute that seems to trigger the jealousy.

Jealousy is painful for the person who is feeling it. When it is directed at an acquaintance or a stranger it is certainly difficult. But when jealousy rears its head in a love relationship or marriage, it can surely drive a wedge between the two people.

Sometimes one partner feels jealous because his or her mate is a flirt or is perceived as very attractive and receives a lot of attention from others. This type of jealousy usually involves feelings of mistrust and fears that infidelity will occur.

When your spouse is jealous…

But a spouse can also become jealous and resentful because it seems that his or her partner has achieved a level of success that, for one reason or another, the jealous mate has not reached.

Jody cannot understand why her husband Paul is not proud of her. After several long years, she’s her first novel is finally finished and on the market. And, the best news of all, she’s got a publisher and the book is selling well all over the country!

It has been Jody’s dream to be an successful writer and now she is actually doing it.

As Jody and her novel get more and more positive press and the money begins to come in from book sales, Paul seems to be getting more and more brooding and difficult to be around.

It’s as if he’s jealous of her success. Paul’s apparent jealousy is upsetting and disappointing to Jody. This is a time when she wants to celebrate these wonderful changes with Paul, not feel disconnected from him.

Stay Aware and Open
When you notice that your spouse is possibly jealous or resentful of successes you might have in your personal or professional life, pay attention.

We don’t advise you to ignore the distance that is forming between the two of you or to hope that your partner will just “get over it.”

Be willing to have uncomfortable conversations with your mate and be willing to stay open and listen to how he or she is feeling. This great thing that is happening in your life might be impacting your
partner in ways you are unaware of.

This isn’t a time to discount your partner’s feelings. Listen and try to understand how he or she might be feeling.

You can also share with your mate how disappointed you feel about the distance between the two of you and how you’d like to come together to celebrate these achievements.

Both of you have valid feelings. Create space within your heart to acknowledge the different ways you might each be experiencing the same events or changes.

Continue to Follow Your Dreams
Jody decides that there has been enough tension in her marriage. She asks Paul to talk with her. Jody doesn’t blame Paul for the disconnection in their marriage and she doesn’t criticize him for being jealous.

She does tell him that she feels like there is distance between them and that she’d like to find a way that they can move closer together again.

Jody tells Paul that she believes the changes in their lives because of her novel are a source of their troubles. She asks Paul to be honest with her about how he’s feeling and why this might be.

As they talk, Jody knows that Paul’s jealousy will not go away if she stops writing novels– and then she would be miserable and resentful too!

She is aware that this is something he primarily needs to resolve within himself. She knows she cannot “fix” it for him.

At the same, Jody can try to understand where Paul is coming from and listen to requests he might have. Jody can support Paul as he addresses his jealousy. And if and when he decides to follow dreams of his own, she can be present and engaged encouraging him along the way.

The bottom line here is to listen and stay open when your spouse is jealous.

Whenever there is distance in your marriage, be available and remain open to what your partner is feeling and perceiving and also to what you are feeling and perceiving.

When jealousy and resentment are involved, be a supporter. Yes, you most likely play a role in these emotions your partner is feeling.

But you cannot erase them or solve these challenges for him or her.

Keep nurturing yourself and continue to talk with your partner about ways you each can feel fulfilled with your lives individually and as a couple.

Are you the “Jealous Type”?

Aggressive womanAre you the jealous type?

One thing’s for certain…

When you’re jealous, you feel helpless, very alone and usually out-of-control.

You can wonder where all these jealous thoughts (that you don’t WANT to think) come from and feel like someone or something takes over your mind and body as you spin out of control.

You can even feel that you’re the “jealous type” and can’t do anything about it.

We’re here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.

One woman commented on one of our blogs about her jealousy…

She said, “I’m a jealous type of girlfriend and I just can’t change.”

Okay–so if you’re secretly thinking this about yourself…

Forget it.

There’s no such thing as a “jealous type” and people most certainly can change–if they have the courage and the help in doing so.

Sure, jealousy can pop up more easily if you’ve been cheated on in the past–or if your partner blatantly flirts with other people and you don’t feel important to him or her.

But what we know for sure is that jealousy doesn’t have to cloud your judgement and your emotions. You can learn to calm yourself so that you can get a clear, accurate picture of whether there is a need for you to act or not. And you can learn to act in healthy ways rather than allow jealousy to sabotage your relationship or keep you in an unhealthy relationship for way too long.

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Feeling Jealous and Ignored by Your Partner? Here’s What to Do…

frustrated coupleWhen jealousy becomes an issue in a relationship, underneath all the reasons that appear on the surface, it usually boils down to one person feeling insecure, ignored and unimportant to the other person. And it can show up in a multitude of ways.

Even pets show signs of jealousy in weird ways like destroying your cell phone, IPad or computer according to a new report.

Some 28 million Americans report having had at least one digital device damaged by a pet, according to a new survey from Square Trade, the aftermarket warranty vendor.

The leading motivations, according the owners: jealousy and anger at being ignored. In one out of four cases, the pets damaged a device while their human was still using it.

If you’re jealous, you may feel like destroying your partner’s device as he or she scrolls through texts or Facebook posts—and maybe you have—but you probably realized that that doesn’t solve the problem.

The problem is that you want your partner’s attention but you want it in a “good” way.

If you feel ignored and jealousy erupts, threatening your relationship, here are 3 tips to help you get more of what you want rather than what you don’t want…

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When you’re jealous of your best friend–Here’s what to do…

Eine Wahl treffenThere’s a terrible secret that most jealous people live with that people who aren’t jealous are probably not aware of.

If you’re jealous, the secret that you try to keep from others is that most of your thoughts (depending on the circumstances and severity of your jealousy) are worry and downright fear that you will lose the love you have.

You find yourself acting and responding from that place of fear much of the time and you don’t know how to stop doing it.

Here’s a way to look at it that may help you make a change to more peace in your life…

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head that plays over and over?

It might be a popular song on the radio, a song you play repeatedly on your IPod or even a commercial jingle.

Whatever it is, you usually can’t get rid of it until you exorcise it by listening to another song or in some cases actually listening to a recording of the song that’s been driving you crazy–or you get focused on something else.

For us, Bruce Springsteen songs often become ear worms.

While there’s nothing wrong with them, it can get annoying to have the same song playing over and over in your mind until you do something about it to change your focus.

An ear worm doesn’t have to be a song.

It can be something that someone says to you–usually it’s something critical that you’ve taken in and repeated over and over to yourself until you believe it.

For example, someone might make an off-handed remark about your hair and it stays with you all that day and can even run your life for years!

You might be wondering right now what that has to do with jealousy…

A jealousy ear worm is a jealous thought or worst-case scenario that is replayed in your thoughts many times, even over the span of years.

Unlike regular “song” ear worms, these jealousy ones don’t leave on their own–unless you take some action.

These jealousy ear worms are similar to the ones we get going when we hear a critical remark and take it in.

They just keep coming up in our thoughts.

When you’re struggling with jealousy, most of what “plays” in your mind is fear that you’re going to lose what you have or what could have been.

We received an email message from a woman we’ll call Carol and her story explains this better than we can…

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Jealous because you feel ignored?

IMG_1386(56).jpgOne of the biggest reasons you may feel jealous is because you feel ignored by your partner.

You just don’t feel very important to him or her anymore and it’s driving you crazy.

Whether your partner believes that he or she is guilty of ignoring you is irrelevant because in most instances, feeling ignored is all in the eye of the beholder.

Here’s how one woman describes her problem with her partner’s actions…

“I met my boyfriend at the ballroom dancing and my biggest frustration is that when we go dancing now, he spends most of his time talking to women and he ignores me completely.

“He keeps on saying that he loves me but he is not interested anymore in dancing and he would rather socialize. How can I stay with him and not react and create fights over this matter.

“I would like to have joy and energy when I go dancing, rather than being frustrated, jealous and angry with him and then we fight.”

When you feel ignored, no amount of logic and explanation can make it better.

And you can still be jealous and feel ignored even though your partner feels he or she is giving you lots of attention.

So what do you do if you’re feeling ignored by your partner and your jealousy causes you to start fights which threaten to ruin your relationship?

Let’s go back to the woman who was angry with her boyfriend that he didn’t dance with her anymore…(maybe you’re in a similar situation with your partner but not about dancing)

Here are some ideas from our “No More Jealousy” program that she and you can do if you’re being ignored…

(If you haven’t gotten this program, it’s gotten rave reviews and has saved relationships so take a step now by getting it to save yours.)

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Her Jealousy Caused Their Breakup…

Sad girlIf you’ve ever suffered a break up because of your jealousy or even worried about your relationship ending because you can’t seem to control yourself…

You’re not alone.

We hear from people ever day who either worry that their relationship is ending because of their bouts with jealousy or their relationship has ended and they don’t know what to do.

What we know for sure is that jealousy doesn’t have to be the reason that relationships die–and you can take action so it doesn’t happen to you again.

If you haven’t gotten our No More Jealousy program yet and are worried that your relationship will end because of it, go here.
Even if your jealousy has caused a break up, start healing now by checking out our program.

One person who bought the program said this about it…

“Words can’t describe how your CD and book have helped me…. I never realized how deeply hurt I am… Your words are as if you are speaking to me directly.”

Here’s a question from one of our readers and our answer to her and to anyone faced with this kind of challenge…

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How Doing “Less” Can Actually Cure Jealousy…

woman thinkingIf you’re jealous, you’ve probably tried all kinds of ways to “cure” it.

You’ve probably tried ignoring it (hoping it would go away) until you explode over some little thing, making the situation much worse.

You’ve probably tried talking about it but it’s ended up in a he-said/she-said fight or worse–your partner leaving in disgust.

You may have told yourself any number of things like–“This is crazy–just stop” but those jealous thoughts always seem to find their way back into your mind.

We’re willing to bet that what you haven’t tried is doing “less” in the way we’re talking about.

By doing “less” we mean to stop holding on so tight and becoming so filled with tension that you can’t access that place inside you that can act from a loving, objective place.

It actually means doing “less”–-less holding onto anger and resentment, as well as proving that you’re right and he’s wrong.

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3 Ways to Stop Jealous Outbursts

woman screamingWhen jealousy sneaks up on you, before you know it, you’re saying something that comes off as controlling and well–jealous without you even realizing it.

You might think that you have no control when a jealous outburst happens–but you really do.

Here’s what Rose learned about her jealous outburst and how to stop them that will also work wonders for you…

Rose knew that her boyfriend was getting fed up with her jealous outbursts and in fact, had told her that their relationship was hanging on by a thread.

She knew she needed help with her jealousy issues so she came to us because she knew we’d helped many others overcome jealousy–and she didn’t want to lose her relationship.

The first thing we taught her was how to soothe and calm herself when jealous thoughts came up in her mind.

She learned that whether her boyfriend was really doing what she thought he might be (he wasn’t) or not, she needed to be in control of her reactions and her actions.

This included what came out of her mouth!

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Women Want To Know…Is He Just Being Friendly or Is He a Flirt?

angrycoupleWe recently heard from a woman who is in serious turmoil! We’ll refer to this woman as Renee. Every time Renee and her boyfriend go out together and are around other people– especially other women– she ends up feeling sick to her stomach. This isn’t because of something she’s eating, it’s because Renee is sure her partner is a big-time flirt AND that his flirting will ruin their relationship!

Renee shared with us how tense and upset she feels watching her boyfriend talk to, hug and touch other women. She doesn’t want to come off as insecure or uncool, but it’s really bothering her. In the past, she tried to talk with him about his flirting and he told her to stop being so suspicious. He claimed to just be a “friendly guy” who is “naturally social.”

Renee’s boyfriend even accused her of being jealous and controlling.

Now, when the two of them go to a party together or out dancing (which she used to love to do), Renee is miserable. She bites back her worries and tries to pretend everything is okay…but it’s far from it.

Are you also in a relationship with a flirt?

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What’s the Hidden Reason Why You Get So Jealous? 

masqureadeThere’s no question that you’re jealous. You can’t mistake the anxiety, nervousness, worries and doubts that you’re all too familiar with– they are jealousy rearing up and robbing you of peace and happiness.

What’s less clear is the reason why.

You may think you are feeling jealous because…

Your boyfriend hasn’t returned your text from this morning. Or your wife is having lunch with a co-worker who also happens to be a weight lifter. Or a completely different reason.

But, what if there’s more to it than that?

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