Feeling Jealous and Ignored by Your Partner? Here’s What to Do…

frustrated coupleWhen jealousy becomes an issue in a relationship, underneath all the reasons that appear on the surface, it usually boils down to one person feeling insecure, ignored and unimportant to the other person. And it can show up in a multitude of ways.

Even pets show signs of jealousy in weird ways like destroying your cell phone, IPad or computer according to a new report.

Some 28 million Americans report having had at least one digital device damaged by a pet, according to a new survey from Square Trade, the aftermarket warranty vendor.

The leading motivations, according the owners: jealousy and anger at being ignored. In one out of four cases, the pets damaged a device while their human was still using it.

If you’re jealous, you may feel like destroying your partner’s device as he or she scrolls through texts or Facebook posts—and maybe you have—but you probably realized that that doesn’t solve the problem.

The problem is that you want your partner’s attention but you want it in a “good” way.

If you feel ignored and jealousy erupts, threatening your relationship, here are 3 tips to help you get more of what you want rather than what you don’t want…

1. Get control of your automatic reaction

Automatic jealous responses are habits that you can break and it takes learning how to calm yourself before you say or do something you later regret.

2. Get clear about what’s real and what’s a story

Your jealous responses come from thoughts and stories that you’ve told yourself and your job is to figure out what’s true and what’s a figment of your imagination or from your past.

If your suspicions are true, then you have some decisions to make about what you will and won’t accept in a partner.

If your suspicions come from your insecurities from past experiences and are not based on the truth, then you practice changing your story to one that you can believe and is just as true—but is more positive.

3. Switch your focus

Whether your suspicions are true or not, when jealous thoughts come up, practice switching your focus to thoughts and actions that will take you toward what you want rather than away from what you want.

Your focus is key to making healthy changes in your relationship. For example, if you feel that your partner is ignoring you, see if you can find examples of when he or she doesn’t ignore you.

You don’t have to throw a fit and destroy your partner’s devices like the pets in the study we told you about. You can learn to calm yourself so you can make healthy requests instead.

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