How Doing “Less” Can Actually Cure Jealousy…

woman thinkingIf you’re jealous, you’ve probably tried all kinds of ways to “cure” it.

You’ve probably tried ignoring it (hoping it would go away) until you explode over some little thing, making the situation much worse.

You’ve probably tried talking about it but it’s ended up in a he-said/she-said fight or worse–your partner leaving in disgust.

You may have told yourself any number of things like–“This is crazy–just stop” but those jealous thoughts always seem to find their way back into your mind.

We’re willing to bet that what you haven’t tried is doing “less” in the way we’re talking about.

By doing “less” we mean to stop holding on so tight and becoming so filled with tension that you can’t access that place inside you that can act from a loving, objective place.

It actually means doing “less”–-less holding onto anger and resentment, as well as proving that you’re right and he’s wrong.

It’s your attitude, what you tell yourself, it’s the way you talk to your partner, and the way you treat him or her.

You see, it takes a lot of energy to hold onto anger, blame and resentment and when you let that go, you relax, open your heart and become more welcoming to your partner.

Here’s example of how doing “less” actually brings you more love and can “cure” your jealousy…

Paula needed help. She came to us because in her boyfriend Jake’s words, her “controlling” actions and jealousy were ruining their relationship–and he’d had enough. He was about ready to call it quits with her and leave.

As we dived into specific instances over which they fought and wouldn’t talk for days at a time, it became clear what she was doing to push him away.

It wasn’t as if her boyfriend wasn’t contributing to their fights–he certainly was.

But she knew that she was going to have to find ways to relate differently to him if she wanted to keep this relationship and his love.

She was willing to look at her part in this conflict and to do some things differently to show him that she was willing to change.

Paula realized that at the crux of the problem, she felt that Jake’s parents took advantage of him and that she had to step in and tell him how he should handle them to stop it.

In fact, when he was frustrated with them, Paula often used the words–“You should…” as she was (in her viewpoint) “helping” him with this explosive situation.

Deep down, she didn’t believe that he could stand up to his parents and that she had to do it for him.

She came to realize that her belief was that she had to step in and tell him how to handle his parents because if she didn’t, they would walk all over him.

As we worked together, she realized that in “trying to help him” by telling him what to do, she was not trusting him to handle the situation and in a sense, was treating him in similar ways as his parents had treated him.

She also realized that he actually was taking steps to set some boundaries with his parents and that when she backed off telling him what to do, the two of them got along so much better.

In looking at how she could better handle situations where he was very upset with his parents, she learned ways to calm herself and then to ask him something like this…

“Would you like some suggestions?”

When she did this, his anger softened and he actually listened to her.

When she wasn’t trying to tell him what he “needed” to do, he began to step up more and be the man she knew he could be–and the best part is that he no longer called her “controlling” and “jealous.”

So how about you?

Can you see how you can stop your jealousy and get more love by doing “less” or even nothing?

We invite you to try it and see for yourself.

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