Whose Fault is Jealousy, Anyway?

Couple mad at each other When there is jealousy, there’s usually the belief that it’s one person’s problem or “fault” and if that person would only “get over it,” things would be fine in the relationship.

What we know to be true is that both people are creating this situation so that they can heal, learn and grow parts of themselves that have somehow been hurt in the past.

Have you noticed how you “click” with some people, others really “push your buttons” and still others move in and out of your life without you giving much thought to them?

Those people who you “click” with and also those who “push your buttons” are your teachers and you have attracted them to you to learn and to heal.

Sounds like a radical statement, doesn’t it?

When it comes to jealousy, realizing that this person is in your life to help you to heal and that you each are contributors to the situations that are created are key ingredients to moving jealousy out of your life.

So how do you do this?

You start by accepting responsibility (which is not the same as blame) for your part in this dynamic that’s going on. You might even write in your journal or on a piece of paper the actions, thoughts and words that contribute to the jealousy in your life. If you have partner who is open to doing this exercise, ask him or her to do the same.

Even the person who is not the “jealous” one is contributing in some way to the jealousy in the relationship.

Be sure to take the blame and judgment out of this exercise and let go of being defensive.

Simply acknowledge to yourself or to each other what you each have been doing, saying and thinking that has contributed to creating this situation in your relationship.

If you begin to do this, you are one step closer to healing jealousy in your life.

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