Women Want To Know… How to Handle Jealousy When His Ex is Around

couple-on-kitchen-counter-300x199“I don’t know what to do!!! My partner and I argue non-stop about his ex. He told me that she will always be a part of his life and he continues to text her and message her several times a week online. He claims he’s doing nothing wrong, that he loves me and I should just ‘get over it’ and accept it. I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t stand how jealous I feel that she’s still in his life like this.”

Of all of the emails, Facebook messages and phone calls we get from people, exes are one of the most commonly cited reasons for jealousy and relationship conflict. Sometimes this is because a person feels inferior to her partner’s ex. Even when there’s zero contact between the person’s partner and his ex, it can bring up doubts and worries. This can cause tension, disconnection and suspicion…even if there’s nothing actually going on to warrant it.

And then there are the messier situations– as in the quote above– where there IS continued contact between the person’s partner and his ex. If there is shared custody, there is a certain amount of regular communication and time spent together that occurs. Even if the two don’t have a child together, they may have maintained a friendship and rely on one another for emotional support or turn to each other for advice on personal issues, career questions or home repair needs.

This can be confusing for all involved– especially the one watching these interactions who’s concerned that there’s more than just friendship going on.

Perhaps this is causing stress and heartache in your relationship too.

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Your Jealousy Can Be Vanquished!

dragonWe recently received this email from a person who has been using our No More Jealousy program to help with jealousy and anger and he gave permission for us to share it with you…

May I say that you have saved my relationship. I used to make false accusations, be jealous and get angry, though I would not know why, but listening to everything you two have said in your audio courses, I finally understand jealousy and why I am reacting like this. I have not finished reading the book or the audio courses, but my relationship is already improving.

Thank you so much. I am so grateful to you two, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t know how to control my emotions. And our relationship would’ve definitely ended, which would be terrible since we love each other so much.

I didn’t even know jealousy could be controlled. I thought it would always be inside of me…
Thanks again, you’re the best!”

While we’re glad that this man has found the strategies, techniques and lessons included in our No More Jealousy program to be essential to him overcoming jealousy, we’re excited for another reason…

We’re absolutely thrilled to hear from someone who found the courage to face down the out of control emotions and unhealthy communication habits that were putting his relationship in danger. We applaud this person for reaching inside himself and finding the strength and persistence to do what was uncomfortable and maybe even felt impossible at times…

He looked his jealousy square in the face and he vanquished it. And so can you.

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Ready for a Confidence Boost?

mirrorIt is nearly impossible for jealousy to persist when you feel confident and sure of yourself.

When you really know your worth, you don’t walk around in constant fear that your partner will leave you for someone else. When your self-esteem is healthy, you don’t waste time and energy comparing yourself to others.When you feel confident in who you are, you can focus on what’s really important to you: Your interests, passions and goals for the future. You’re more present in your relationship and that promotes connection and closeness too.

Unfortunately, the worries, fears and anxiety that jealousy brings with it, not only feed on low self-esteem, they add to it exponentially!

Here are 3 steps toward boosting your confidence when jealousy brings you down…

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Do Your Thing and Say Goodbye to Jealousy

wavingHow much time and energy do you spend trying to please your partner? How much have you lost trying to be as smart/sexy/interesting/successful/funny/charming as you believe your partner wants you to be?

These are painful questions because, all too often, you put in a whole lot of effort (and maybe a whole lot of expense too) to be the one who can keep your beloved satisfied so that he or she will stay in your life.

The cost is that you lose yourself.

You think you have to be something more than what you are– or else your partner will leave you for someone else or simply just leave. And because of that belief, you force yourself to change. You dress differently than you ever would. You start to talk or act in ways that really aren’t true to you.

You stop being the person you are at your core who is a unique, amazing AND valuable human being.

Perhaps worst of all….

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Women Want To Know… What To Do When Suspicions Explode!

geyser“I need advice. I’m jealous of my husband’s ‘friendship.’ I start fights with outbursts whenever I see something I don’t like or that brings my suspicions. I simply explode. It’s been like this for 3 months already and I’m exhausted from it, yet I fail to stay calm for more than a few days. It’s destructive to me and I realize it. I don’t want live like this. How do I stay calm and focus on making it work rather than on destroying it?”

Jealousy can get so intense it takes over and rages out of control, just as this woman who posted to our Relationship Gold website describes. It builds up inside of you and, finally, explodes– a lot like a geyser which can’t hold back the pressurized, geothermically heated water any longer.

Only your eruptions aren’t water and steam, are they? What erupts from you are accusations, sarcasm, nagging and ultimatums.

The damage to both you and your relationship are immediate and difficult to repair. Especially when jealous meltdowns occur again and again, it’s nearly impossible for your relationship to survive.

Because you know how destructive jealousy is, you’ve probably tried anything and everything to calm yourself down and make your relationship better. But suspicion, doubt and fear won’t instantly go away. They build up inside of you and, at some point which is usually inconvenient and embarrassing, those accusations come out in full force.

What’s the best way to soothe jealousy and ease the pressure in you and your relationship?

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The Year-End Review: Technique to Help You Leave Jealousy Behind

calendarWouldn’t it be amazing to wake up on January 1, 2014 (or maybe even tomorrow) and to no longer feel jealous?

How would it be to make it through an evening out with your partner and never feel the twinge of fear that he’s scoping the place for someone more attractive than you?

she’s lying to you and possibly cheating too?

Does this sounds like a crazy fantasy or the plot of an outrageous film?

Well, listen up because it’s not as outlandish or impossible as it may seem. You are closer to overcoming the worries, fears, suspicions, mistrust and misery than you think.

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10 Tech Tips to Guard Against Jealousy


We are not promoting the product in this video, but are sharing it here because it makes a great point.With so many cool apps and programs for your mobile device and computer, there are so many ways to meet a partner, connect with the one you love and keep passion alive in the long-term and you can see that in the examples with the couple in the video above.But…

Technology can be a huge jealousy trap too!

For every time a couple sends each other sweet or sexy messages, there are so many MORE times when a (different or the same) couple encounters a misunderstanding which leads to an argument which leads to distance and disconnection and all because of an unfortunate text or post.

Advances in technology are absolutely amazing….and they can also be absolutely destructive when it comes to triggering jealousy and conflict in your relationship.

Follow these 10 tech tips to keep yourself jealousy-free and your relationship happy…

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Find Your Roar to Overcome Jealousy

  • Worries that won’t stop.
  • Questions that never end and are never satisfied.
  • Anxiety that you’re being deceived or will be left.
  • Frustration that you can’t trust anyone.
  • Certainty that you’ll be let down and disappointed, again.
  • Mistrust in your own judgment and perspective.

This (and more) is what jealousy does to you.

It takes away your peace of mind and attacks in stressful situations and even when you’re having a close and  loving moment with your partner. Jealousy appears to be way beyond your control and leaves you feeling helpless and weak.

None of this is good for your relationship or for your own well-being and, thankfully, there’s something can do about it.

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Women Want to Know… What to Do About Porn and Jealousy

sneaky1-150x150Does this dilemma sound familiar to you??? This question was posted in the comments of one of our YouTube videos and because it’s a contentious issue that so many couples struggle with, we decided to share this viewer’s question and an extended response from us:

Hi Susie and Otto, can you give me some advice, please? I feel jealous when my bf watches porn because from my perspective, porn is filmed at the angle where they just focus on the female 95% of the time and that makes me feel like the watchers are imagining having intercourse with that actress. I don’t know how to let it not bother me. :(

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Looking for Happiness? Widen Your View Beyond Jealousy

joyHas jealousy been blocking your joy and making your life seem nothing else but miserable?

If so, this beautiful Marianne Williamson quote may bring a scowl instead of a smile to your face. Worse yet, you might feel guilty or weak for letting jealousy take over and ruin the good things that were trying to develop in your relationship (or a potential relationship) but no longer appear to be there.

We’re here to remind you that loving, good and joyful experiences ARE possible for you– and not just in the distant future either!

 

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